Today it struck me that I went over to the Dark Side a long time ago. I can’t pretend I’m particularly proud of myself, and nor do I condone my actions, but I do think that sometimes the bitter angst of the Sith has driven me to be a far more prolific writer. Why? Because being a newbie with a misconception that the entire publishing world is against me really opens the door to some hate-fuelled productivity. Here, let me show you;
Sith Tip 1) Go into a bookstore and stare at the thousands and thousands of books published by the thousands and thousand of authors who are better than you. Let the hate flow through you as you consider their success. Swear that one day you will be greater than all of them.
Sith Tip 2) Read books that are worse than yours. No, seriously, just because something’s been published, doesn’t make it a magnificent example of the human capacity for literary success. Nor does the fact that you haven’t been published yet mean that the ink you print with is just a waste of Earth’s resources. Revel in bitterness as you consider that these people have been published whilst you have not. Yet…
Sith Tip 3) Every time you complete a chapter that actually follows the prearranged plot, reward yourself by watching this video.
Sith Tip 4) Use your aggressive nature, boy. Never forget that if you aren’t typing, you’re worthless. You will never become an author, let alone a good one. Your family thinks you’re a waster and your girlfriend doesn’t really believe you’ll ever finish that novel. So overcome your writer’s block with stinging self-hatred
Sith Tip 5) Remember, two there always are, a Master and an Apprentice. Or in this case, plot structure and characterisation, or description and action, or dialogue and beats. You get the idea.
Sith Tip 6) When you actually complete your first draft (preferably in the early hours of the morning, since your hateful conciousness kept you awake all night typing until your fingers bled), reward yourself by watching this video. Then execute Order 66 on that manuscript and get it redrafted a half dozen times.
Disclaimer – following these guidelines may lead to you being decapitated and burned to a crisp, or at the very least becoming excessively pale (like you aren’t already, sitting typing away in your basement). Just remember that now you are the learner, but one day you will be the Master.